Never Invest in Funerals, It’s a Dying Industry.

Ophelia's Eulogy

(An Easier Version To ReadThan This )

             Our dear Ophelia, lying before us. Once a carrier of life and pureness. Such has been lost. Tis not known the purpose of her death, only that such a loss is forever to be seen as a tragic and untimely misfortune. It is believed that she now is to be reunited with her father. Her dear father. 

              What was it that causes such greatness to come to an end? What is it that strips the life of the girl that had promises and many years before her? Why? This is such a question that may never be answered. Only the girl holds the answers, and alas she is silent.

               Ophelia was a girl who seemed lost at the time near her death. Lost in thought. A      world that made little sense to all but her. Her choice of representation to herself was shown in flowers. Such flowers she believed to see and distribute. Even then, such innocence was shown. Giving flowers. Such a feminine deed for such a lost and troubled child. A poor girl. 

              Some say that her loss of reality was created by our Prince Hamlet. The man had driven Ophelia to the point of no return. Not by touch, but merely by the cruelness he spoke. By the sword he held to her dear father. By the unforgiving thoughts he displayed towards Ophelia. How can one fathom such pain and confusion our Ophelia must have suffered from before leaving us? Ophelia was gone before she died. Our poor Ophelia.

It was a river that was the final blow to the girl. Such that swept away the struggles and pain from Ophelia. Was she aware of such doings? Perhaps she was already too far gone to realize she was being taken away. Alas it was the final moments of our girl gone mad. 

Dearest Ophelia, such a tragedy of your loss. We shall mourn the great loss we have experienced. Our respect and love will remain

 today, tomorrow

always.

Nev'r Invest in Funerals, 'Tis a Dying Industry.

Ophelia's Eulogy

             Our dear ophelia, lying 'ere us. Once a carrier of life and pureness. Such hath been lost. 'Tis not known the purpose of her death, only that such a loss is forev'r to be seen as a tragic and untimely misfortune. 'Tis believ'd that she anon is to be reunit'd with her father. Her dear father. 

             What was it that causes such greatness to come to an end? What is it that strips the life of the girl that had promises and many years 'ere her? Wherefore?  This is such a question that may nev'r be answer'd. Only the girl holds the answers, and alas she is silent. 

         Ophelia was a girl who seem'd lost at the time near her death. Lost in thought. An ordinary that made dram sense to all but her. Her choice of representation to herself was shown in flowers. Such flowers she believ'd to see and distribute. Yea then, such innocence was shown. Giving flowers. Such a feminine de'd f'r such a lost and troubl'd child. A po'r girl. 

Some say that her loss of reality was creat'd by our Prince Hamlet. O Hamlet. The man had driven Ophelia to the point of nay return. Not by touch, but merely by the cruelness he spoke. By the bodkin he held to her dear father. By the unforgiving thoughts he display'd towards Ophelia. How can one fathom such teen and confusion our Ophelia wilt hast suffer'd from 'ere leaving us? Ophelia was gone 'ere she did. Our po'r Ophelia. 

It was a riv'r that was the final blow to the girl. Such that swept aroint the struggles and teen from Ophelia. Was she acknown of such doings? Haply she was already too far gone to realize she was being taken aroint. Alas 'twas the final moments of our girl gone nimble-footed. 

Dearest Ophelia, such a tragedy of thy loss. We shall mourn the great loss we hast experienc'd. Our respect and love will remain 

today, tomorrow

always. 

(I would like to credit http://www.shakespeareswords.com/Glossary for helping me with that first part. Man that was a real ergh to do. 

**Normal Version Here**

A Grave Situation: Hamlet's Dilemma

U Ok Bro?

     I do believe it is safe to say that Hamlet's nuts. Like, really nuts. However, despite this, he made a promise a few acts ago to avenge his father's death and kill his uncle. Well, his uncle who married his mom...so his step-dad-uncle. Ok, moving on, Hamlet Sr's ghost appeared, stuff happened and now Hamlet Jr is all 'I must kill the [current] king!' Or rather, 'I must get the king to confess. Oh. And then I kill him.' 

    Either way, the king going to die.

    Either way, Hamlet's crazy.

    Either way, this play is really quite...intense. 

Anyways, after a play Hamlet ingeniously tweaked to reenact the death murder of the king, Hamlet expected the king to have some form of reaction. 

By the way, the king did have a reaction.

   Personally, I like to imagine the king just abruptly standing up and screeching about lights and whatever and then running away all:

Lights! Get Me Lights! Arghbrefiebwrj!

So, Mr Murderer flees the premises and finds himself confessing everything he's done and feels.

The king confesses that he did kill the king, he did take the throne, and he does want forgiveness...if possible.

Yeah, Claudius confessed. He's guilty. So guilty.

  Meanwhile, Hammy over here finds his way over to his good ol' Uncle/Step-Dad and sees that he's praying. 

   Hamlet is slightly taken back by that and if anything, is quite displeased with this.

    You see, Hamlet came to his uncle to kill him. However, Hamlet feels conflicted to kill Claudius while praying since if killed by praying, there is a pretty good chance this guy will go to Heaven. Hamlet wants Claudius to burn in Hell. 

  To an extent, that also reveals much of Hamlet's character as well. Killing the man wasn't enough apparently. No, just slicing your sword and walking away wasn't good enough. Hamlet wanted Claudius to go to Hell.  This shows a great amount of anger and hatred from Hamlet to Claudius. 

   Alas, Hamlet doesn't kill Claudius. Again, he doesn't take action, however, I personally believe he is justified this time. 

     Looking at this from Hammy's POV, your uncle killed your dad and you find out about this. 

I don't know about you, but I would be absolutely livid. Beyond myself with grief, anger, frustration and many other emotions that are probably just synonyms to the ones mentioned. I personally would do everything in my power to get revenge. 

     Yes, the king was apologizing and yeah, he even said he was guilty, but to kill him while he was actually praying didn't seem appropriate. Because he was praying? Ahaha no, who cares what he was doing. But the chance of this stale piece of white bread to go to Heaven? Unacceptable. 

      Hamlet had every right to wait. 

Not to mention, I believe more of a confession should be made. You know? Perhaps more publicly. As of right now, Hamlet isn't exactly viewed as sane, and claiming his dead father told him to kill Claudius who killed him doesn't exactly seem believable.

So yeah, unless Hamlet's got proof, they'll just think the guy's crazier than they thought. 

Oh! Also Claudius, that son-of-a-gun! Yeah. He totally doesn't seem sorry. I don't care if he begs for forgiveness, if he's sorry, if he prays, if he jumps out of the book and stops Global Warming, he's not sorry. He's guilty of killing his brother, and he is an absolute scumbag for trying to fix it by basically crying to yourself how bothered you are by your 'guilt".

Claudius basically took someone's delicious cookie, stuffed it in his mouth, washed it down with soy milk, and looked at the poor person and was all 'Hey, I'm really sorry I took your cookie, but damn it was a good cookie." 

The deed is done, and honestly, there isn't much more to say about it. Claudius now has what he wanted and has to live with the 'guilt' of how he got it. 

Oh. Also...Hamlet, you suck. I liked Polonius. (I still like reading as you in class, but you're scum too.)

#Slay

Remember kids, always check your curtains before you stab them! And when you do...stab the right person!

I Need To Scale Back On The Puns: A Quick Off Topic Remark

The Majestic Lee

Wale, it seams to be that I have gotten a new fish.

No squidding, I just went out and decided to get one for the halibut. 

He is a buoy and his name is 'Robert E Lee'. 

I reely like his color and he's so cute! 

Anyways, I'm sorry for the overkrill of fish puns. I just wanted to post this because I'm stalling to post my actual blog post.

Actually no. My post is scheduled to post at 11:59 tonight.

You should dolphinitely check it out when it posts!

Also if these puns bothered you, just let minnow. I saw the opportunaty and took it. 

Old Knights in Chain Mail Never Die, They Just Shuffle Off Their Metal Coils: A TB/NTB Review

So I Kind Of Need That Shirt Hamlet's Wearing.

     Whenever someone mentions "Shakespeare", naturally there's going to be that one person that dramatically quotes, "TO BE OR NOT TO BE!" I'm not going to lie, nine times out of ten, that will probably be me. (Of course, having a dad who is like, obsessed with Shakespeare, I actually know where that line is from.)
      What astonishes me though, is that such a line is this well known. I remember once while babysitting a couple of brats, they were asking about the horrors of high school, and then for some reason English class came up. (Along with math and band but let's ignore those for now...)
The eldest child wanted to know what we read. Of course, I said things like To Kill A Mockingbird,  The Catcher In The Rye, and also Romeo and Juliet. He instantly replied, "That Shakespeare thing?" The younger of the two wasn't quite as familiar with that name, but she did say she had heard of him. Her brother was then all "You know? That old guy with the frilly collar who was all 'To Be or Not to Be'". While he was incorrect as to who said that line, it was pretty interesting that a fourth grader (at the time) knew of that quote. Then again, nods to Shakespeare can be seen sometimes in various things that appeal to children. Yes, I'm looking at you, that one episode of Jimmy Neutron that had "Macbeth: In Space". Needless to say, I'm rambling. I tend to do that often. So yeah,

TL;DR: That one line is famous. 



   In the tradition of my previous blog entry, I'm reviewing scenes from various adaptations of Hamlet, only no ghosts this time! Nope, just a conflicted man who is questioning whether or not he should kill himself for he truly believes he will rid his difficulties if he does so...unless it doesn't and now he's really confused.

How fun. 

Speaking of fun...Surprise! I'm judging analyzing not three, but four clips this time. I'll give you a second to get over your initial shock and excitement. 

 Alright! In English class, we had the lovely opportunity to view Olivier's Hamlet,  Zeffirelli's Hamlet, Branagh's Hamlet, and Almereyda's version. 

Without further ado, I present the review of our first version.

He Was On A Rock By The Sea...I'm So Sorry

I'm just going to go ahead and say this was my least favorite of the adaptations. 

    This version is Olivier's adaptation of Hamlet, and it is in black and white. 
Now, don't get me wrong, black and white isn't terrible...if you at least make everything else interesting. (I.e The Twilight Zone. Man I love that show)
   In all honesty, this scene really wasn't grabbing me. I had expected more from such a well known scene. 
  Here, Hamlet sits atop a rock and is by the sea. He's also on said rock on a cliff. There is an obvious fog around him which perhaps represents the fogginess or undetermined thoughts and actions (or rather lack of) Hamlet is currently dealing with.  Throughout the scene, Hamlet speaks in a very soft, yet strong voice. Despite this, I found his delivery the most boring. Hamlet spends a majority of his soliloquy just sitting on the rock looking at his dagger.
   The most memorable part of this scene was the sudden burst of music as Hamlet raises the dagger closer to him. When that happened, I jumped slightly. Why does at least one Hamlet adaptation try to startle you? Rude.
    Hamlet then leaves his rock, and stands back on the ground now in contact with the fog. He turns around and walks into said fog, as if he were leaving his clearly (confused) thoughts, and is entering the fogginess and unpredictableness of reality again.

I See Dead People...

Ah yes, Zeffirelli!
      Zeffirelli, Zeffirelli, night and day, it's Zeffirelli~
*Ahem* Whoops.

Anyways, as mentioned in my previous entry, this version so far is the one I favor. 
   Here, Hamlet is wandering around a tomb as he ponders potential suicide. I don't know, it seems a bit inconsiderate walking around a bunch of people who died unintentionally while talking about how you want die even though it may or may not actually be your time. Either way, Hamlet's in a tomb with dead people, and he's dying to join them. 
   This movie again has Hamlet express his thoughts in a much more audible way. I honestly think this version stresses emotion in the voice so much because the visual aspect of the movie is always so damn dark, you can't quite make out the expressions the people make. Like, chill with the darkness...please.
   One thing I particularly liked, was how the little light there was, was shining down on the dead rather than Hamlet. Perhaps it's just me who thinks this, but maybe it's to emphasize the benefits of being dead Hamlet is thinking of, rather than the negatives of life that he's currently dealing with. 
  

Here's Hamlet Looking Quite...Sharp

    Branagh's take on this scene was the most appealing in aspects of the scenery. Staying true to the actual play, Hamlet ponders death in his house, rather than a rock, or tomb, or extinct movie rental store. 
   The very idea of having a bright room with a contrasting outfit of black for Hamlet is quite nice as it emphasizes just how Hamlet really has entered a dark and macabre mindset. 
    Hamlet speaks to himself in front of a mirror. He's whispering almost, but at the same time, he really has a bit of an 'I'm losing it a bit, but I must remain calm' edge to it.  Hamlet throughout the scene really does not change the volume or intensity of his words, and he continues to stare at himself sharply. He really does appear to be speaking to himself, or rather his reflection, than just thinking out loud.  
    Speaking of sharp, Hamlet has a dagger in this version too, which he points at the mirror several times. It's particularly entertaining watching this as we know Polonius and Claudius are behind the mirror watching and are probably all "what...?"
    The almost unnerving brightness of this scene made it so appealing to watch .

SPEAKING OF APPEALING TO WATCH

CAN WE PLEASE LOOK AT THIS MAN

YAAAS

    The final version we watched was the one by Almereyda. AKA the one with the 'visually appealing Hamlet' Here, we find him wandering amongst the aisles of a Blockbuster. What I find strange (Besides his hat, sorry Hamlet) is that Hamlet was wandering around in the 'action' section of the store. It's funny because despite looking around the 'action; aisle, Hamlet never really takes a movie. He never took 'action', it might appear.
       Not only this, but Hamlet in this version seems to be one of the calmest. While the others have Hamlet shouting or whispering in a sharp tone, Hamlet here simply is walking around and pondering. His thoughts and words seem to be quite level and if anything, he just really sounds like an absolute emo here. Hamlet is in a rather brightly lit store that is advertising movies for the holidays and is full of a plethora of movies with colorful covers. However, he himself is dressed in dark colors, save for a rather simple winter hat. The televisions in the background feature rather action-y scenes complete with fires and explosions and guys jumping around probably dying- wonderful films to bring home for the holidays!
    While I'm not usually a fan of the modern day twist to Shakespeare, I must admit this rendition of his speech was rather well done. 

    

            As for Schwarzenegger's version...

That was BEAUTIFUL

   Conclusion:

   Hamlet's conflicts that had been expressed in this soliloquy are those that sometimes are very much relatable to people all over. The topic of confusion and not knowing what to do are still very much so present in today's world. For the most part, people can sometimes relate to Hamlet's dilemma. No, maybe most people's fathers weren't killed causing you to spiral into madness and a desire to avenge him, but the bare concept of Hamlet's struggles are still present. 

  Many versions of this play exist for the purpose that there's simply so much one can do with the lines and how they can be delivered. Different versions of this play also gives people more of a choice of how to view the play. Some people might find the modern version more appealing and easier to follow than the version done by Zeffirelli. This gives more of an opportunity for people to enjoy the works of Shakespeare

Final Thoughts:


Olivier:
Acting: 3/10
Lighting: ---- (I can't really tell?)
Scenery: 4/10
Phrasing: 4/10
Fog: 10/10
Overall: *** 


 Zeffirelli: 
Acting: 7/10
Lighting: 2/10
Scenery: 7/10
Phrasing: 8/10
Dead People: 10/10
Overall: **** 1/2

Branagh:
Acting: 5/10
Lighting: 8/10
Scenery: 8/10 (It stayed true to the actual description!)
Phrasing: 6/10
Dagger: 10/10
Overall: ****

Almereyda
Acting: 5/10
Lighting: 7/10
Scenery: 7/10 
Phrasing: 3/10
Hamlet: 13/10
Overall: *** 1/2 

Thanks for reading! I once again apologize for posting so late, but hey, it's technically still Wednesday, which is close to Tuesday...so..yeah. 

Peace!

The Average Ghost is Mean Spirited: A Ghost Scene Review

(An Accurate Portrayal Of Hamlet's Ghost. Fear Him. )

        Alright, so this is my first blog post and honestly, I have no idea whether or not to sound formal or casual or some strange place in between. Let's be real though, if I were to try to be formal, that would last a grand total of six words before I begin to use words like 'bro' or 'literally dying'. Although I do believe that 'literally dying' is a wee bit appropriate for this blog entry since it involves a ghost. Hamlet's ghost actually. Well, okay. Hamlet's dad's ghost, who also happened to be named Hamlet. Confusing right? I'm tempted to just call Prince Hamlet 'Junior' or something when using both Hamlets in a sentence. 
           Whatever, that doesn't matter too much. I suppose I should continue onto my main subject. Oh! Before I do so, I apologize for my punny title. Actually, no I don't. Deal with my puns.

(Hamlet On The Left. Hamlet JR On The Right Looking P Confused)

      In English class, we had to watch three versions of the same scene from Hamlet. If you don't know which scene I'm referring to, please buy a one way ticket to Siberia, reread the previous mess I'm claiming to be a paragraph. 

     The first version of Hamlet we viewed was the version by Zeffirelli. Mel Gibson portrayed Hamlet, quite well I might add.  

What Are You Even Looking At? I Don't Know. It's So Damn Dark.

One thing that particularly stood out to me with this portrayal of the scene was the lighting throughout. Or rather, the lack of. Sure, it was enough for you to tell who was Jr and who was Hamlet, but overall I do believe the main purpose of the darkness was to merely emphasize that they were delivering the scene through  nothing but the emotions they used while speaking. This actually was quite interesting, and I found myself not focusing on the visuals as much as I was really just listening. Everything that was said was very articulate and clearly let the audience know what was going on through words. There were no flashbacks or crazy visuals. The lack of music also formed a bit of a cryptic or ominous feel to it. (The whole scene almost reminded me of something from A Christmas Carol...the good version with George C. Scott.)

Where Did He Get His Contacts?! I Must Know!

The next version we viewed was by Branagh. Branagh sounds like a noise you would make when you sneeze. Like, "Branagh!!!" "Bless you!" "Thanks"

Also apparently Branagh  played Jr in this film too. Quite the achiever...directing, acting and having a cool last name.

       Anyways, in this version, there was less of a emotional and 'audible' interoperation, but it really was more of a 'visual' replication of the very same scene. When the ghost of Hamlet first appeared, my thoughts instantly recognized the fact that you could see the ghost this time. However, I wish we couldn't see the ghost because let me tell you, that man's creepy. He has a cool beard, but it's creepy. Everything in the scene is a blueish, eerie feeling and is more visually appealing than the former version. However, the lines were delivered in a much more monotonous way. The ghost of Hamlet did seem to use a harsh whisper to add to the uncomfortableness of him, but that really was the only interesting thing he did with his voice. 
    This version also contained a flashback. Again, the scene aimed to tell the story through actual scenes rather than just a verbal description of what happened. Here, the flashback shows exactly what the king was doing, wearing and where he was at the time of his death. It was a lot lighter in the flashbacks. It was a very different scene compared to the previous one. 

WHY CAN'T ALL HAMLETS LOOK LIKE THIS FINE PIECE OF MAN?! (The Beautiful Piece Of Art On The Left)

The third and final version was by far the most different. Not only was it set in a modern day era, but Jr was actually really hot. That black shirt? Can I get a 'heck yeah?'

   Aside from the visually pleasing actor, this version seemed to also be the most casual. How does being visited by your dead dad and told to avenge his death come off as 'casual'? Good question. Ask Almereyda. He directed it. Overall the whole scene reminded me of just some very intense or serious scene from a business themed movie. Then again, from what I picked up from the modern changes to this story, there actually is a business involved. 

  For the most part, Hamlet's ghost seemed to be the most human in this version. There were no crazy contacts, or whispers, or strangely angled camera shots. Nope, Hamlet was walking around, lighting completely normal, and he even went as far as to physically make contact with Jr. 

  (Which, might I add, kind of goes against Jr's friends trying to touch/ "stab" Hamlet and failing)

  Hamlet seemed to be less intense in this version, but it also must be pointed out that throughout the scene, Hamlet made a point of wiping his ear. The ear in which he was poisoned through? Perhaps, yes, that's highly likely. So at least that aspect of the story was not changed too drastically. 

   This version came off as the most 'typical this day' movie. Oh, did I mention that this version still used the lines from the original play? It's a bit strange hearing someone dressed so modernly say things like 'thou' or 'tis' or 'e'vr' while pacing in front of a television. Oh well, at least it was creative. 

  Final Thoughts:


 Zeffirelli: 
Acting: 7/10
Lighting: 3/10
Scenery: 6/10
Phrasing: 9/10
Darkness: 10/10
Overall: **** 1/2

Branagh:
Acting: 3/10
Lighting: 5/10
Scenery: 6/10 (Extra .5 for fog)
Phrasing: 3/10
Director's Last Name: 10/10
Overall: ***

Almereyda
Acting: 4/10
Lighting: 8/10
Scenery: 4/10 (Creative though)
Phrasing: 5/10
Hamlet: 12/10
Overall: *** 1/2 




Epilogue:

Sorry for posting this so late. Computer troubles, you know? Also the app for this really really sucks. But...hey, I'm still posting on Wednesday, which is the due date for this thing! 
Please accept these bunnies as an apology: